| That the ravings of the sick were the secrets of... 344 |
[Jan. 29th, 2010|07:20 am] |
That the ravings of the sick were the secrets of God, and that if a nurse through her vocation should hear them, she should respect her trust
"She is a sweet, good soul, and the next day, when she saw I was troubled, she opened up the subject my poor dear raved about, added, 'I can tell you this much, my dearThat it was not about anything which he has done wrong himself, and you, as his wife to be, have no cause to be concernedHe has not forgotten you or what he owes to youHis fear was of great and terrible things, which no mortal can treat of'
"I do believe the dear soul thought I might be jealous lest my poor dear should have fallen in love with any other girlThe idea of my being jealous about Jonathan! And yet, my dear, let me whisper, I felt a thrill of joy through me when I knew that no other woman was a cause for troubleI am now sitting by his bedside, where I can see his face while he sleepsHe is waking!
"When he woke he asked me for his coat, as he wanted to get something from the pocketI asked Sister Agatha, and she brought all his thingsI saw amongst them was his notebook, and was going to ask him to let me look at it, for I knew that I might find some clue to his trouble, but I suppose he must have seen my wish in my eyes, for he sent me over to the window, saying he wanted to be quite alone for a moment
"Then he called me back, and he said to me very solemnly, 'Wilhelmina', I knew then that he was in deadly earnest, for he has never called me by that name since he asked me to marry him, 'You know, dear, my ideas of the trust between husband and wifeThere should be no secret, no concealmentI have had a great shock, and when I try to think of what it is I feel my head spin round, and I do not know if it was real of the dreaming of a madmanYou know I had brain fever, and that is to be madThe secret is here, and I do not want to know itI want to take up my life here, with our marriage' For, my dear, we had decided to be married as soon as the formalities are complete'Are you willing, Wilhelmina, to share my ignorance? Here is the bookTake it and keep it, read it if you will, but never let me know unless, indeed, some solemn duty should come upon me to go back to the bitter hours, asleep or awake, sane or mad, recorded here' He fell back exhausted, and I put the book under his pillow, and kissed himI have asked Sister Agatha to beg the Superior to let our wedding be this afternoon, and am waiting her reply?"
"She has come and told me that the Chaplain of the English mission church has been sent forWe are to be married in an hour, or as soon after as Jonathan awakes
"Lucy, the time has come and goneI feel very solemn, but very, very happyJonathan woke a little after the hour, and all was ready, and he sat up in bed, propped up with pillowsHe answered his 'I will' firmly and strongMy heart was so full that even those words seemed to choke me
"The dear sisters were so kindPlease, God, I shall never, never forget them, nor the grave and sweet responsibilities I have taken upon meI must tell you of my wedding presentWhen the chaplain and the sisters had left me alone with my husband--oh, Lucy, it is the first time I have written the words 'my husband'--left me alone with my husband, I took the book from under his pillow, and wrapped it up in white paper, and tied it with a little bit of pale blue ribbon which was round my neck, and sealed it over the knot with sealing wax, and for my seal I used my wedding ringThen I kissed it and showed it to my husband, and told him that I would keep it so, and then it would be an outward and visible sign for us all our lives that we trusted each other, that I would never open it unless it were for his own dear sake or for the sake of some stern dutyThen he took my hand in his, and oh, Lucy, it was the first time he took his wife's hand, and said that it was the dearest thing in all the wide world, and that he would go through all the past again to win it, if need beThe poor dear meant to have said a part of the past, but he cannot think of time yet, and I shall not wonder if at first he mixes up not only the month, but the year
"Well, my dear, what could I say? I could only tell him that I was the happiest woman in all the wide world, and that I had nothing to give him except myself, my life, and my trust, and that with these went my love and duty for all the days of my lifeAnd, my dear, when he kissed me, and drew me to him with his poor weak hands, it was like a solemn pledge between us
"Lucy dear, do you know why I tell you all this? It is not only because it is all sweet to me, but because you have been, and are, very dear to meIt was my privilege to be your friend and guide when you came from the schoolroom to prepare for the world of lifeI want you to see now, and with the eyes of a very happy wife, whither duty has led me, so that in your own married life you too may be all happy, as I |
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