| We have of late come to understand that sunrise... 453 |
[Jan. 30th, 2010|02:34 am] |
We have of late come to understand that sunrise and sunset are to her times of peculiar freedomWhen her old self can be manifest without any controlling force subduing or restraining her, or inciting her to actionThis mood or condition begins some half hour or more before actual sunrise or sunset, and lasts till either the sun is high, or whilst the clouds are still aglow with the rays streaming above the horizonAt first there is a sort of negative condition, as if some tie were loosened, and then the absolute freedom quickly followsWhen, however, the freedom ceases the change back or relapse comes quickly, preceded only by a spell of warning silence
Tonight, when we met, she was somewhat constrained, and bore all the signs of an internal struggleI put it down myself to her making a violent effort at the earliest instant she could do so
A very few minutes, however, gave her complete control of herselfThen, motioning her husband to sit beside her on the sofa where she was half reclining, she made the rest of us bring chairs up close
Taking her husband's hand in hers, she began, "We are all here together in freedom, for perhaps the last time! I know that you will always be with me to the end This was to her husband whose hand had, as we could see, tightened upon her"In the morning we go out upon our task, and God alone knows what may be in store for any of usYou are going to be so good to me to take me with youI know that all that brave earnest men can do for a poor weak woman, whose soul perhaps is lost, no, no, not yet, but is at any rate at stake, you will doBut you must remember that I am not as you areThere is a poison in my blood, in my soul, which may destroy me, which must destroy me, unless some relief comes to usOh, my friends, you know as well as I do, that my soul is at stakeAnd though I know there is one way out for me, you must not and I must not take it!" She looked appealingly to us all in turn, beginning and ending with her husband
"What is that way?" asked Van Helsing in a hoarse voice"What is that way, which we must not, may not, take?"
"That I may die now, either by my own hand or that of another, before the greater evil is entirely wroughtI know, and you know, that were I once dead you could and would set free my immortal spirit, even as you did my poor Lucy'sWere death, or the fear of death, the only thing that stood in the way I would not shrink to die here now, amidst the friends who love meI cannot believe that to die in such a case, when there is hope before us and a bitter task to be done, is God's willTherefore, I on my part, give up here the certainty of eternal rest, and go out into the dark where may be the blackest things that the world or the nether world holds!"
We were all silent, for we knew instinctively that this was only a preludeThe faces of the others were set, and Harker's grew ashen greyPerhaps, he guessed better than any of us what was coming
She continued, "This is what I can give into the hotch-pot I could not but note the quaint legal phrase which she used in such a place, and with all seriousness"What will each of you give? Your lives I know," she went on quickly, "that is easy for brave menYour lives are God's, and you can give them back to Him, but what will you give to me?" She looked again questioningly, but this time avoided her husband's faceQuincey seemed to understand, he nodded, and her face lit up"Then I shall tell you plainly what I want, for there must be no doubtful matter in this connection between us nowYou must promise me, one and all, even you, my beloved husband, that should the time come, you will kill me
"What is that time?" The voice was Quincey's, but it was low and strained
"When you shall be convinced that I am so changed that it is better that I die that I may liveWhen I am thus dead in the flesh, then you will, without a moment's delay, drive a stake through me and cut off my head, or do whatever else may be wanting to give me rest!"
Quincey was the first to rise after the pauseHe knelt down before her and taking her hand in his said solemnly, "I'm only a rough fellow, who hasn't, perhaps, lived as a man should to win such a distinction, but I swear to you by all that I hold sacred and dear that, should the time ever come, I shall not flinch from the duty that you have set usAnd I promise you, too, that I shall make all certain, for if I am only doubtful I shall take it that the time has come!"
"My true friend!" was all she could say amid her fast-falling tears, as bending over, she kissed his hand
"I swear the same, my dear Madam Mina!" said Van Helsing"And I!" said Lord Godalming, each of them in turn kneeling to her to take the |
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