| MINA MURRAY'S JOURNAL-I am happy today, and write... 219 |
[Jan. 29th, 2010|07:31 am] |
MINA MURRAY'S JOURNAL-I am happy today, and write sitting on the seat in the churchyardLucy is ever so much betterLast night she slept well all night, and did not disturb me once
The roses seem coming back already to her cheeks, though she is still sadly pale and wan-lookingIf she were in any way anemic I could understand it, but she is notShe is in gay spirits and full of life and cheerfulnessAll the morbid reticence seems to have passed from her, and she has just reminded me, as if I needed any reminding, of that night, and that it was here, on this very seat, I found her asleep
As she told me she tapped playfully with the heel of her boot on the stone slab and said,
"My poor little feet didn't make much noise then! I daresay poor old MrSwales would have told me that it was because I didn't want to wake up Geordie
As she was in such a communicative humour, I asked her if she had dreamed at all that night
Before she answered, that sweet, puckered look came into her forehead, which Arthur, I call him Arthur from her habit, says he loves, and indeed, I don't wonder that he doesThen she went on in a half-dreaming kind of way, as if trying to recall it to herself
"I didn't quite dream, but it all seemed to be realI only wanted to be here in this spotI don't know why, for I was afraid of something, I don't know whatI remember, though I suppose I was asleep, passing through the streets and over the bridgeA fish leaped as I went by, and I leaned over to look at it, and I heard a lot of dogs howlingThe whole town seemed as if it must be full of dogs all howling at once, as I went up the stepsThen I had a vague memory of something long and dark with red eyes, just as we saw in the sunset, and something very sweet and very bitter all around me at onceAnd then I seemed sinking into deep green water, and there was a singing in my ears, as I have heard there is to drowning men, and then everything seemed passing away from meMy soul seemed to go out from my body and float about the airI seem to remember that once the West Lighthouse was right under me, and then there was a sort of agonizing feeling, as if I were in an earthquake, and I came back and found you shaking my bodyI saw you do it before I felt you
Then she began to laughIt seemed a little uncanny to me, and I listened to her breathlesslyI did not quite like it, and thought it better not to keep her mind on the subject, so we drifted on to another subject, and Lucy was like her old self againWhen we got home the fresh breeze had braced her up, and her pale cheeks were really more rosyHer mother rejoiced when she saw her, and we all spent a very happy evening together-Joy, joy, joy! Although not all joyAt last, news of JonathanThe dear fellow has been ill, that is why he did not writeI am not afraid to think it or to say it, now that I knowHawkins sent me on the letter, and wrote himself, oh so kindlyI am to leave in the morning and go over to Jonathan, and to help to nurse him if necessary, and to bring him homeHawkins says it would not be a bad thing if we were to be married out thereI have cried over the good Sister's letter till I can feel it wet against my bosom, where it liesIt is of Jonathan, and must be near my heart, for he is in my heartMy journey is all mapped out, and my luggage readyI am only taking one change of |
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