| May I make the only atonement in my power? Take... 234 |
[Jan. 31st, 2010|02:45 am] |
May I make the only atonement in my power? Take the cylinders and hear themThe first half-dozen of them are personal to me, and they will not horrify youThen you will know me betterDinner will by then be readyIn the meantime I shall read over some of these documents, and shall be better able to understand certain things
He carried the phonograph himself up to my sitting room and adjusted it for meNow I shall learn something pleasant, I am sureFor it will tell me the other side of a true love episode of which I know one side alreadySEWARD'S DIARY
29 September-I was so absorbed in that wonderful diary of Jonathan Harker and that other of his wife that I let the time run on without thinkingHarker was not down when the maid came to announce dinner, so I said, "She is possibly tiredLet dinner wait an hour," and I went on with my workI had just finished MrsHarker's diary, when she came inShe looked sweetly pretty, but very sad, and her eyes were flushed with cryingThis somehow moved me muchOf late I have had cause for tears, God knows! But the relief of them was denied me, and now the sight of those sweet eyes, brightened by recent tears, went straight to my heartSo I said as gently as I could, "I greatly fear I have distressed you
"Oh, no, not distressed me," she replied"But I have been more touched than I can say by your griefThat is a wonderful machine, but it is cruelly trueIt told me, in its very tones, the anguish of your heartIt was like a soul crying out to Almighty GodNo one must hear them spoken ever again! See, I have tried to be usefulI have copied out the words on my typewriter, and none other need now hear your heart beat, as I did
"No one need ever know, shall ever know," I said in a low voiceShe laid her hand on mine and said very gravely, "Ah, but they must!"
"Must! But why?" I asked
"Because it is a part of the terrible story, a part of poor Lucy's death and all that led to itBecause in the struggle which we have before us to rid the earth of this terrible monster we must have all the knowledge and all the help which we can getI think that the cylinders which you gave me contained more than you intended me to knowBut I can see that there are in your record many lights to this dark mysteryYou will let me help, will you not? I know all up to a certain point, and I see already, though your diary only took me to 7 September, how poor Lucy was beset, and how her terrible doom was being wrought outJonathan and I have been working day and night since Professor Van Helsing saw usHe is gone to Whitby to get more information, and he will be here tomorrow to help usWe need have no secrets amongst usWorking together and with absolute trust, we can surely be stronger than if some of us were in the dark
She looked at me so appealingly, and at the same time manifested such courage and resolution in her bearing, that I gave in at once to her wishes"You shall," I said, "do as you like in the matterGod forgive me if I do wrong! There are terrible things yet to learn of, but if you have so far traveled on the road to poor Lucy's death, you will not be content, I know, to remain in the darkNay, the end, the very end, may give you a gleam of |
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